When you feel stuck in your relationship or struggle to understand each other, couple therapy can be a beacon of hope. Many clients come to my practice when they’re unsure if their relationship is worth fighting for, and together, we work towards finding an answer.
What is Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT)?
I work with couples using emotionally focused therapy (EFT). In EFT Couple Therapy, the majority of attention is paid to the feelings, experiences, and needs that lie behind them. Emotionally focused therapy helps people understand their attachment styles to improve their relationships. How our connection with our parents was formed directly affects our relationships with loved ones and partners in adulthood.
In Couple Therapy driven by EFT, the client is the relationship itself, and the therapist acts as a consultant, providing insights and strategies to navigate the challenges.
The Benefits of EFT in Couple Counselling
- 1Extensive Research and Validation: EFT is one of the most evidence-validated forms of couples’ therapy, with extensive research supporting its effectiveness in improving relationship dynamics.
- Enhanced Emotional Functioning: EFT provides a framework for understanding and expressing healthy dependency between partners. It aims to expand and reorganize emotional responses, improving overall emotional functioning in the relationship.
- Building Secure Attachment: EFT is grounded in attachment theory, which emphasizes the importance of secure attachments in providing comfort, security, and a buffer against stress. This approach helps partners develop a safe and supportive connection.
- Resolving Conflict and Repairing Hurt: EFT encourages couples to become more aware of each other’s needs and fosters empathy. This awareness helps partners discuss and resolve conflicts from a place of understanding rather than defensiveness.
- Promoting Relationship Satisfaction and Longevity: By addressing the core emotional needs and attachment issues, Couple Therapy supports long-term relationship satisfaction and stability.
Contraindications for Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT)
While Emotionally Focused Therapy is a highly effective approach for many couples, there are certain situations where it may not be appropriate for couples. Here are key contraindications where a therapist might advise against using EFT:
Lack of Safety
EFT requires a safe environment for both partners to explore their emotions. If there are issues of fear, coercive control, or violence in the relationship, EFT may not be suitable. Ensuring safety is a prerequisite for effective therapy.
Unresolved Addictions
Ongoing and unaddressed addiction issues can impede the therapeutic process. EFT focuses on emotional connections, which can be challenging to address if addiction is not managed.
Imbalance in Vulnerability
Effective EFT requires balanced vulnerability from both partners. If one partner is unwilling or unable to be vulnerable, the therapy may become unbalanced and less effective.
Lack of Responsibility
If one or both partners are unwilling to take responsibility for their role in relational issues, it can hinder progress. Accountability is crucial for successful therapy.
Competing Attachments
Ongoing affairs or violations of agreed-upon boundaries can undermine the trust needed for effective EFT. Addressing these issues is essential before starting therapy.
Detached Partner
EFT is less effective if one partner has already emotionally or physically detached from the relationship. Therapy requires both partners to be invested in the process.
Inability to Cultivate Safety
If it’s impossible to create a sense of safety and mutual respect in the therapeutic setting, EFT may not be the best approach. A foundational level of safety is necessary for the therapy to be effective.
What to expect from EFT Couple Therapy at AA Therapy?
Couple Therapy sessions usually take 60-90 minutes, while the entire process might last 12-20 sessions to complete. Depending on the level of distress the couple has.
Session 1: Orientation And Relationship History
During the first session, your EFT couple therapist will meet to go over aspects such as their policies and procedures to help you get oriented to what EFT couples therapy will be like. Then they will ask to hear more about your relationship history, love story, concerns bringing you to couples counseling, and what you both want to achieve out of the EFT couple therapy process.
Sessions 2 & 3: Individual Sessions
During the second and third sessions, your EFT therapist will meet with each partner individually. All questions will be the same for each partner, but this allows the therapist and each partner to get to know each other one-on-one. The EFT couples therapist will likely ask questions about your individual relationship history, what it was like to grow up in your family, and if there are any mental and physical health concerns impacting you in the relationship. If needed, your therapist may refer you to additional support services such as helping you find an individual therapist or medication provider.
Session 4: Summary Session
In the fourth session of EFT couple therapy, your EFT therapist will provide a summary of the assessment process and what to expect next in your therapy journey. This may include a discussion about how normal cultural or family differences have led to differing expectations in the relationship, or how past relationship insecurities may be showing up in the relationship. They will likely also include a summary of what seems like it is going well in the relationship and your relationship strengths.
Session 5-20: Ongoing EFT work with the couple
AA Therapy offers affordable Couple Therapy in person in Melbourne and Online. Book your session today!